A sweet friend asked me to share the Marsh Big Top behavior chart. About a year ago Gregg and I were scrambling for something…anything to help with behavior at the house. It felt like we were always giving consequences and then forgetting to follow through. For example, a Marsh kid might do something naughty earlier in the day (shocking I know!) and we would take away their dessert that night after dinner but once dinner time came around we would forget what we had said…kids have that effect…memory loss and gray hair. We tried a billion different things and finally came up with something that works for our house. So here’s our chart. It’s a dry erase board hung in the hallway between the family room and the kitchen – the main traffic path in our house. It is divided into 3 parts…one for each kiddo. We use the dry erase board for lots of things…keeping discipline counts, keeping track of grounding days, listing chores for the day or week.
So here’s what we do. We started handing out “strikes”. Yep…baseball theme…all about sports in this house. Truth be told, I actually I totally stole the idea off the discipline system at the boy’s school. Whenever one of my rascals does something naughty they get a strike on the board. They have to put the strike up themselves which seems to have a bigger effect. They have to go and get the dry erase marker and put an “x” on the board. At the end of the day if they have 3 strikes they lose all evening privileges which in our house includes dessert and reading for 30 minutes in bed before going to sleep. If they have 3 strikes by the afternoon it also means they lose their 20 minutes computer/i pad/DS time. If at the end of the day they have 6 or more strikes (oh yeah, you know it happens around here) they start the next day with 3 strikes.
BUT wait…there’s more! The chart also gives them a chance to be rewarded for good behavior. If they are caught doing something selfless and sweet and nice they can be given a candle which represents shining Jesus’ light in the world. Here’s the kicker…they can’t ask for a candle. They can’t say…”Mom, I gave Zack an hug, can I have a candle”..they have to be caught in the act. We’ve gotten to the point where siblings can also hand out candles. So for example, if we ask the kiddos to put the card table and chairs out for pizza and movie night and one kid does all of it so the others don’t have to…the kid gets a candle.
One candle takes away one strike….so conceivably at the end of the day they could have 3 strikes and 2 candles which equals 1 strike (yep…teaches math too ;->) and so they get all their night time privileges. IF they have an awesome day with no strikes and 3 candles then they get an extra big dessert or get to read for longer in bed or do something else special.
The nice thing is that we can see how the day went and so can the kids. They know when they’ve had a good day or a rough day and know when the day is done what they can and can’t do. And with the exception of the over six strikes carry over rule, each day the chart is wiped clean and they get to start again.
The thing with discipling your kids is you have to find what works for you and your family. Every kid has different things that are important to them and different kinds of discipling that works with them. We finally found something that works for us, but it doesn’t mean it will work for you. This chart works in this house because it is something that we are actually consistent with and are sticking to. That’s the key…you have to find something you can be consistent with. Steal this idea…it’s all yours, or find something else…there are a billion different ideas out there and one might just be crazy enough to work for you. Hang in there sweet friends with kids!!!!
A Beautiful Mess 