Ever felt like you are standing on the edge of a cliff, about to jump off into the unknown? It can be both terrifying and exciting if you agreed to the jump, and just down right terrifying if you are being pushed off and don’t want to do it. Six years ago our family willingly jumped off a cliff…it was insanely difficult….and we are better for it.
The fall of 2008 was both an exciting time and a stressful time in the Marsh Big Top. By this point in September 2008, we had already jumped off the cliff but were flying in mid-air, unsure of how the landing was gonna go. This was a cliff that we agreed to, one that we felt called to. Let me explain. In the summer of 2008 both Gregg and I independently in our prayer times kept feeling like God was bringing Denver to our minds. Neither of us knew why and neither of us had said anything to each other about it. One day in late summer we talked about it – shocked that we were both praying about the same thing. We thought maybe God was bringing a new Master’s Commission student to live with us, and they would be from Denver, or maybe we just needed to be praying for Denver, but neither of us were totally prepared for what we were actually being called to do. A couple weeks after Gregg and I talked he comes home with this “holy crap” look on his face. He had received a call from a recruiter for a job….in Denver. We both sat there wide eyed and laughed. Gregg had calls from recruiters all the time but we never felt like he should entertain the thought of leaving his job at the time…until this call. He agreed to interview and before we knew it he was through the first 2 phone interviews and on a flight to Denver to interview in person. Sure enough, next thing we know he has an offer for a job…in Denver and if he took it he had to start in less than 2 weeks.
Now let me just stop right here and explain the home front situation. We had 3 kids by that time. Kayla was starting 2nd grade in August (right about when Gregg got the offer). Zack was 3 (almost 4) and Brock was 1 year old and IN TO EVERYTHING! I was working part time. We were in a home that we loved and had been in for 2-3 years. We had friends and family and a church we loved and we were in TEXAS for goodness sakes. Just a reminder in case you forgot ;-)….I LOVE TEXAS. I love all things Texas. I loved living in Texas. I swore to that man of mine he would never get me out of the state – but God has a sense of humor.
So in the midst of crazy life with young kids we decide that we are supposed to move to Denver. We put the house on the market (the day the housing bubble exploded, no less), Gregg left for Denver and his new job and the kids and I stayed in Texas until the house sold. Did I mention the kids were little and we were trying to sell a house…i.e keep the house consistently and painfully clean for showings and having to leave at the drop of the hat, for showings…i.e. momma’s head was exploding on a daily basis.
There are so many twists and turns to this story AFTER we jumped off the cliff. Gregg was living in corporate housing for a month and he was flying home every 2 weeks for birthdays (over half the Marsh Big Top birthdays occur in October and November). We had no idea when the house would sell (did I also mention that we found out we had to invest $10,000 INTO the house we were selling to fix the foundation and we had a bee infestation of Exodus propotions two days before moving) . We had no idea where Gregg would live after his allowed corporate housing ran out (thank you Lord for my amazing Aunt & Uncle). We had no idea when the kids and I would actually be able to move to Denver and we had no idea where we would live once we got there. And once we found our beautiful, wonderful new home we had no idea when we could actually move in since it was a painfully, ridiculously, horribly long short sale (Nothing short about a short sale kids) and we ended up camping out in a townhouse for 6 months. We had literally taken a leap of faith.
Now, friends, I am totally unsure of where we all got this idea that if God calls us to do something it would be easy and everything would line up just perfect. Houses would appear without searching for them. People would line up to buy our house we are selling. Our children would sing praises to us and behave like angels for us because we are stressed and need some peace….even though their world has turned upside down…. and of course those same cherub faced angels would daily tell us we are beautiful and dinner is delicious every night. We have this so very very weird thinking that everyone should bow to our needs because this is what GOD called us to do.
You know, maybe…just MAYBE that happens every once in a while (although my children have NEVER all 3 at one time sung my praises over any delicious dinner I have prepared for that night -that friends will be a miraculous day…maybe even a sign of the end times ;->)…BUT it rarely happens that way. God has this painfully delicious way of using our cliff jumping faith TO GROW US!!!
Have trouble putting your patience pants on? Well, friend, just jump off a God calling cliff and the landing will take God’s timing…not yours.
Have trouble with that blessed temper? Well, friend, just jump off a God calling cliff…have some kids and see how you have to learn to manage that temper.
Have trouble trusting that God really does have control over all situations and will use the bad ones for good? Well, friend, you might just be pushed off that cliff into a situation REQUIRING you to put all your trust in God.
YES, we yell and scream and pout because it seems unfair or not how we played it out in our minds. I remember one 3 year old tantrum, in particular, thrown down in the play room of our house in Plano…and oh yeah…the 3 year old tantrum thrower was 35 years old! I was mad at God! GASP!!!! Yep, I was mad that I was there and the good lookin’ bald man was in Colorado. I was mad that we were doing what we knew that God had told us to do but it wasn’t easy or working out according to my time table. I was MAD! And I was told by someone close to me that I sinned for being mad at God and should repent!!! Sisters, let me tell you something…if God isn’t big enough to handle our puny fits then God just isn’t God. He can handle frustration. He can handle anger. He can handle being asked why. He can handle it!!!! You may not get the answer you want or in the timing you think you need…but He CAN HANDLE IT and He will love you through it.
I think of teaching and disciplining the Marsh monkey children. There are many times they are not pleased with their precious momma and think I have fallen off my nut. They cannot understand the injustice of being required to do chores, or understand putting God first, family second, school third and then everything else after. They cannot fathom why beating the tar out of your sibling that just “LOOKED AT ME” is not ok. They get hoppin’ mad when they have to put a strike on the chart or they get grounded for being a total fool. IT’S NOT FAIR! Sound familiar? Many times I stop and realize I sound JUST LIKE THAT to God a lot of the time. (Side note: want a lesson in giving, loving, redeeming, benevolent parenting that also knows how to allow punishment when required for being total rascals? Take a gander at the Israelites and God’s amazing relationship with them)
Here’s what I know 6 years after jumping off the cliff. It was NOT EASY!!!! There were a lot of amazingly awesome moments where our jaws were on the floor at the goodness of God and there were also a lot of moments where I was sayin’ words no good Christian woman should say. It was hard and painful…as learning life lessons often can be. But 6 years later I can look back (that whole hind sight thing ;->) and I CAN see the supernatural miracles I wasn’t seeing happen at the time. I CAN see how God provided for us again and again and again and again. I CAN see how much our family has grown closer to the Lord and each other. I CAN’T imagine our lives any different.
If God is calling you to jump…and let me first stop and say…stay praying before your jump to make sure that is what God is saying! Many times we jump off cliffs we were never called to and it does not look pretty at the end. BUT if God is calling you to jump…gird your loins, prepare for battle and let her rip…the blessings that follow jumping wholeheartedly into what God has for you are worth it in the end!
A Beautiful Mess 